Queer friends, a question.
I understand that being in the closet is a big deal and that some people while working on coming to terms with their queer identities want to be “discreet” or “discrete” or whatever.
I want to be respectful of other people, especially some people who feel trapped by their family’s respective culture(s), who aren’t out and about as big old queers of whatever variety.
Okay, so how do you tell someone who is really closeted but has a profile on a dating (etc) site that you want to chat first and maybe see a picture of them before meeting up for a date (etc) or you’re over them?
Is that rude? Is it rude to insist on texting me for a bit to get to know you without mail-order bride ads or the like invading my space while reading furtive messages back and forth?
How do you say “If you’d like to write me you should be a big out adult queer” without disrespecting closeted folks who might be stuck in awful and awkward situations?
you know how everyone has a gay cousin
I am that gay cousin
If you say the “A” in LGBTQIA+ is for “Ally” I will personally paint the word “Asexual” on a baseball bat and beat you with it.
Context for the chat post:
This last January, the Bad Girls Club YYC presented Calgary’s first voguing ball called Out of the Closet. It was amazing. And it was organized by TBGC (Out of the Closet information) and featured many queer people of colour (QPOC) organizing and participating in the Ball.
It was an homage and celebration of ball culture and they posted definitions and videos about the event and categories so participants and the audience would know what to expect and the origins of the event.
As a queer child of Whites (QCOW) who had watched and become obsessed with Paris is Burning and very interested in drag culture, I was beyond thrilled to see the event come up on my FB newsfeed and leapt at the chance to attend. As part of my virtual immersion into ball and drag culture I told any of my friends who would listen and my boyfriend at the time about Paris and terms and categories and so on.
Through the awesome videos TBGC made and my lectures, my friends and I went to the ball with at least a basic understanding of the origins of ball culture and a developing respect for it.
I approached the ball and was happy to see that QPOC were running it. I was confident that I was respectfully participating in an event that celebrated ball culture.
After considering how amazing it would be to walk, I decided to go and walk in schoolboy realness. Thanks to my incredible drag mama Visa De Klein I walked and won the inaugural Schoolboy Realness trophy, bringing glory to our Haus of Cash.
I don’t think that I appropriated the ball culture but I am still a little uneasy about it.